Talking about sex with your partner can feel awkward – even when you’ve been together for years. tart to your day.
But having open, honest conversations about sex can be one of the best ways to build intimacy and keep your relationship connected. And before you start that conversation, there’s something really important to think about first: Do you actually know what you like and what you want? It can be difficult to expect your partner to know what feels good for you if you’re not sure yourself. Take some time to think about what you enjoy, what you’d like more of, and whether there are things you’d like to explore. You might even find it helpful to talk this through with someone you trust, such as an intimacy coach, where you can be completely honest without feeling judged. Remember that what you like can change What you enjoyed a few years ago might not be what you want now. Our bodies, confidence, relationships and circumstances change. Hormonal changes, getting older, being in a long-term relationship, stress and simply getting to know yourself better can all affect what you want sexually. That’s completely normal. You don’t have to stick with something just because you’ve always enjoyed it. And discovering something new about yourself can actually bring a new sense of excitement and connection to your relationship. Choose the right moment One of the easiest ways to make a conversation about sex feel awkward is to bring it up in the middle of sex — particularly if you’re raising something that you’d like to change. Instead, choose a relaxed moment when you have some time together. It could be on a date night, while you’re having a drink together, or simply when you’re both relaxed and have some privacy. You could even start with something as simple as: “Can we talk about our sex life? There’s something I’d love to share with you.” Make it a conversation, not a criticism Try to avoid starting with: “You never…” or “You don’t…” Those kinds of statements can quickly make someone feel defensive. Instead, talk about what you enjoy and what you’d like. You could say: “I really enjoy it when you…” “I’d love to do more of…” “There’s something I’d really like to try…” Or even: “Have you ever thought about trying…?” This changes the conversation from “what are you doing wrong?” to “what could we enjoy together?” Don’t be embarrassed to talk about fantasies Talking about fantasies can feel incredibly vulnerable, particularly if you’ve never done it before. But you might be surprised by how much your partner enjoys hearing about what turns you on and what you’d like to explore. You don’t have to act on every fantasy you talk about. Sometimes simply being able to share your thoughts and desires with someone you trust can create a deeper sense of intimacy. And you might discover that your partner has fantasies they’ve been nervous to share with you too. Start with honesty Ultimately, good communication about sex starts with being honest with yourself. What do I like? What don’t I like? What would I like more of? Is there something I’ve always wanted to try? Has what I want changed? Once you have a better understanding of yourself, it’s much easier to invite your partner into that conversation. Sex doesn’t have to be something that you simply do. It can be something you talk about, explore and continue to discover together. And if you’re struggling to work out what you actually want, or you’re finding it difficult to have these conversations with your partner, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. That’s exactly the kind of conversation we can explore together at Studio Intimacy.